Catastrophe Practice Read online

  Ackerman sees Ariel: hesitates: then comes with Jenny down the loggia steps to the front of the stage, right. He looks out over the audience.

  Ariel takes food from a table and eats.

  Ackerman speaks as if he were acting from a conventional script, but were finding the business of acting rather ridiculous.

  ACKERMAN

  Each stone had to be brought up. There’s a quarry from the time of Charlemagne. They still use primitive methods; pulleys and ropes, with platforms of sticks. Like eagles’ nests. Men working in the sky. An amazing sight. No one can see us.

  He seems to listen for Ariel.

  Ariel puts his hand on his stomach and doubles

  up, as if in pain.

  Ackerman continues —

  Scorned a safety net. Said it would interfere with their work Great craftsmen. Magnificent physique. There was one called Angelo. I’m not supposed to tell this story. The whole building is said to be a folly — a monument to paranoia —

  Ariel has begun to tip-toe towards the swing sofa, left. When Ackerman stops talking, he stops — in the position of a dancer.

  Though why it should be a folly to want to get away from this world, I don’t know, in which we have to spend so much of our time —

  Ariel has moved on. When Ackerman stops, he stops.

  The work took six years. We were tactful enough not to rest on the seventh —

  This time Ariel has not moved.

  Ackerman stands behind Jenny and puts his arms around her.

  I like to think of the building as of the same stone as the mountain. The pale pink rose of the dawn. With no road. Just a lift-shaft like a flower —

  He kisses Jenny’s neck.

  Ariel raises a foot and holds it as if he had trodden on something and were in pain — or like a dancer.

  Ackerman gazes over Jenny’s shoulder at the audience.

  That’s where Angelo fell. Two hundred foot to the bottom. The body was never found. An underground river swallows its victims. Stay out late. Be naughty. Little girls are punished —

  Ariel has been examining the sole of his foot.

  Ackerman seems to listen: then continues —

  I like to think one could say — I’ll give you all the countries of the world. But who would want them. Who would want them! I make motor cars. A cockleshell for Venus. There’s room above the loggia —

  He waits.

  Then he turns to Ariel.

  Ariel, holding his foot, has raised his head as if he were a statue.

  Ackerman moves towards Ariel with his stick It is as if he were acting anger that Ariel had been mocking him.

  Jenny crouches at the front of the stage and holds her nose as if about to jump over.

  Ackerman turns and looks at Jenny. He acts, somewhat clumsily, as if he is pulled each way between Ariel and Jenny.

  Then Ariel falls, heavily, on to his face on the swing sofa.

  The sofa bounces, and becomes still.

  Jenny stands. She turns and looks at Ariel.

  Ackerman goes to the balustrade at the back and looks over.

  ACKERMAN

  Did you hear it? Some signal. Some sign. They’re all around, like wolves.

  Jenny comes and kneels by Ariel.

  Ackerman looks at the audience. When he speaks it is as if he is trying to get into some contact with the audience.

  What can one get him? Brandy?

  Ackerman waits. Then he goes and stands looking down at Ariel and Jenny. He raises the back of Jenny’s skirt with his stick.

  They make the stuff in their own backyards.

  Dirt gets in —

  He looks out at the wings, right.

  It was leaning over the pool one day when it saw its own reflection in the water —

  He lowers Jenny’s skirt. He has been showing increasing unease. He looks at the audience. Then he seems to try to act again —

  The sun comes up about an hour after first light. Colours the old glaziers knew about.

  Softness in hardness —

  He turns to the wings, left; then to the loggia, right.

  After a time he shouts as if in desperation —

  Stranger!

  It is as if ‘Stranger’ were the name of someone off-stage to whom he is calling for help.

  From behind the loggia there starts up again the sound of 1920s’ dance music. There is the scratchily recorded noise of a party in progress. Ackerman looks at the audience: smiles; frowns.

  Then he strides off through the loggia.

  The music and the noise of the party cease abruptly — with the sound of a needle being scraped across a record.

  Then there is a faint cry, as from a woman. Ariel half looks up: then lies face downwards on the sofa again.

  The backdrop goes blank Then it flickers. Then a mountain, ringed with clouds, appears. Jenny turns, sitting, with her back against the swing sofa. The seat moves back, so that Jenny is half collapsed.

  She enunciates carefully — as if she is trying to make a more successful job of acting than Ackerman had done, though not always keeping to a script.

  JENNY

  Take off your gas-mask, daddy. I don’t want to be forcibly fed.

  She sits up cross-legged.

  On a dark night — at the edge of a wood — have you got water and oil?

  She opens her mouth and gazes upwards.

  Then she stares at the audience.

  I’m a fish. At the bottom of the ocean. Where no light comes. And I see your pearly gates. With heads on spikes. And tongues like streamers. And when it rains they talk. With bloody music —

  She stares at the audience.

  Then she says in a matter-of-fact voice —

  They’ve got dogs down there. One boy got caught on the wire.

  She seems to search amongst the audience.

  Was it you? Was it you?

  She waits. Then acts —

  My mother thinks this party’s heaven.

  Twinkle twinkle cow bells.

  She stretches her hands out in front of her, as if drugged.

  Then she presses her hands against the ground as if steadying herself in a boat.

  I wasn’t going to jump. Or was I —

  She slaps at the ground quickly as if something were climbing up to her.

  Get off! There are too many of you!

  Then she steadies herself and leans forward, smiling.

  Hullo sun, can you hear me? Can I give you a hand up? I mean you give me a hand up? My slip. My Freudian slip.

  She stares at the audience.

  You can use your ears — your eyes —

  She closes her eyes.

  Can’t you?

  After a time there comes on through the loggia Helena, a woman in her fifties. She wears an evening dress. She pauses on the loggia steps, and looks at Ariel and Jenny. Then she takes up an attitude with an arm in front of her breasts like a statue of Venus.

  When she speaks it is as if she were trying to get back to a script; but were soon becoming involved, like the others, in trying to convey some message or attitude that is more urgent.

  HELENA

  Oh what a relief! I thought someone had gone over. They did once. A workman.

  She comes to the front of the stage, right, and looks out over the audience.

  I’d hardly spoken to him. He used to bring me gifts. You know — each morning after breakfast —

  She stares at the audience.

  Then she moves off along the footlights.

  Of course my husband didn’t know. He thinks they’re all perfect. They can fly. Just like himself.

  She stands by the wings, left, looking out.

  What can one get him, water? That sounds like a plant.

  She waits.

  Then she turns to Ariel and Jenny.

  Angy’s got a daughter who’s on drugs. She once just touched her, and she jumped straight out of the window. She said she was a fish. I said — Why the window? She said
— A goldfish.

  She turns to the audience.

  I do see, don’t you —

  She seems to search about amongst the audience.

  One should have a net. Like a tennis ball.

  She waits.

  Is it you? Is it you?

  Then she moves off round the stage again.

  I have said — No dogs. But he does so adore animals. He’s had notices put up. But they just don’t read —

  She stops by the front of the stage again, watching the audience.

  They like — music.

  After a time she puts a hand to her head and sways.

  The sun doesn’t get filtered — at this high altitude.

  She waits. Then she takes her hand away.

  He’s building something half way up. Did you see?

  She waits.

  I think it’s a tomb —

  She looks to the wings, right.

  — Or is it a laboratory?

  Then she looks at the audience.

  Are you Angy’s daughter?

  JENNY

  No.

  Then she speaks as if she were questioning the script.

  Isn’t that right?

  HELENA

  I was afraid you might be.

  Helena remains staring at the audience. Jenny watches her. They both seem to have stopped acting. After a time Ackerman comes on to the steps of the loggia. He looks at Helena.

  ACKERMAN

  I’ve been calling —

  HELENA

  Oh what did you say?

  ACKERMAN

  Didn’t you hear?

  HELENA

  Oh I see.

  Ackerman comes down the steps.

  ACKERMAN

  Get rid of him —

  HELENA

  Throw him over —

  ACKERMAN

  Is that funny?

  HELENA

  Is it meant to be?

  Ackerman watches Ariel; then the audience. It is as if, although he finds acting and their scripts increasingly absurd, he hopes the audience may recognise this, and how it is difficult to communicate with them more directly. After a time he takes from his pocket an apple. He turns to Helena and holds the apple out to her.

  ACKERMAN

  Come on up! Good pony!

  Helena, at the front of the stage, puts her hands across her breasts in the attitude of a statue of Venus.

  HELENA

  Oh you are a baby!

  ACKERMAN

  Give it a rub down Make it feel safe.

  Helena puts a hand to her head she sways.

  HELENA

  It was in its pram one day —

  Ackerman puts the apple down carefully on a table.

  ACKERMAN

  Be careful children! God is watching —

  Helena takes her hand from her head It is as if she has once more given up acting. She turns to Ackerman.

  HELENA

  They like this?

  ACKERMAN

  They seem to —

  HELENA

  But they don’t!

  ACKERMAN

  So what’s the difference?

  After a time Helena turns and walks out through the loggia.

  Ackerman looks at the audience. He murmurs—

  ACKERMAN

  Ten minutes to go. Just time for a cup of tea —

  He waits. Then he goes out after Helena, as if he has become too embarrassed.

  After a time Jenny stands, goes to the apple which Ackerman has put on the table, bends down to it, puts her ear to it, then picks it up and walks around with it.

  JENNY

  Once, when my mother was having dinner with Mr Ackerman, she opened her napkin and a thousand dollars fell into her soup.

  She takes a bite out of the apple: then spits.

  Pips!

  She examines the inside of the apple.

  Oh Mr Ackerman, what big factories you’ve got!

  She takes another bite: looks at Ariel: speaks with her mouth full —

  What happened, did it get lost in the wash?

  She swallows.

  Who are you?

  Ariel speaks from lying face down on the sofa.

  ARIEL

  Ariel —

  JENNY

  Who’s Ariel?

  ARIEL

  A member of the liberation army.

  He sits up. He looks around the stage. He speaks as if he is more successfully trying to act not acting.

  This place is going to be blown up. They’re coming up through the sewers. Rats and frogmen. Breaking down the fences. Leaping up the waterfalls. On to the dry land —

  He stands. He goes to the pillars of the loggia, and kicks them. He looks up at the flies.

  Wood! Plastic!

  He goes to the balustrade at the back and looks over.

  This is where Angelo fell! Two foot from the bottom! Into the bog! The glory hole! On to a foam rubber sea!

  When he looks at the audience, it is as if he hopes that something may be being recognised there.

  Then he goes to the centre of the stage and squats down by what appears to be a crack in the rocks. He puts his fingers in, seeming to be trying to force the rocks apart.

  Jenny watches him.

  JENNY

  I think you’re one of the boring guests —

  ARIEL

  Well you’ve had your slice —

  JENNY

  What of —

  ARIEL

  The cucumber —

  JENNY

  But I haven’t —

  ARIEL

  But you will.

  Ariel seems unable to get the rocks apart. He looks up at Jenny.

  Jenny puts her half-eaten apple back on the table.

  Then she gets down on all fours.

  JENNY

  — I’m a Trojan horse —

  ARIEL

  — How many men have you got inside —

  JENNY

  — Please, mister, I was only doing forty —

  Ariel stands. He looks round the stage.

  ARIEL

  Got the wire?

  JENNY

  What for —

  ARIEL

  To chop it off —

  JENNY

  To make it grow?

  Ariel looks down at her.

  ARIEL

  We’ve got to try —

  JENNY

  Why?

  ARIEL

  Haven’t we?

  Jenny stands; then goes and sits on the swing sofa, left. She looks at the audience.

  JENNY

  What do they see?

  ARIEL

  Coloured lights, shapes, music —

  Jenny begins to take off her dress.

  She seems to quote —

  JENNY

  — The plains where they were born —

  ARIEL

  — The rings round Salamanca —

  Jenny, with her dress off, puts her feet up. Ariel goes and pulls the curtains that are round the back and sides of the swing sofa so that Jenny is half hidden.

  JEENY

  Do they get through?

  ARIEL

  One or two —

  JEENY

  They see it?

  ARIEL

  Or see they don’t —

  Ariel climbs into the swing sofa with Jenny.

  JENNY

  I thought it was a tomb.

  ARIEL

  Or perhaps it’s a laboratory?

  From inside, Ariel tries to draw the curtains round the front of the sofa.

  JENNY

  — Pick it up by the feet —

  ARIEL

  — Hit it —

  He manages to draw the curtains so that he and Jenny are hidden.

  The sofa rocks for a time; then is still.

  The backdrop goes blank.

  There are three flashes, as if of lightning, on the backdrop: then after a time, three bangs.

  The backdrop chan
ges to a deep blue.

  There comes on at the front of the stage, right, Judith, a woman in her thirties. She wears a black dress and has bare feet. When she reaches the centre, she stops and looks at the audience. She seems to be someone who has taken refuge on the stage.

  There come in through the auditorium a man and a woman. They might be people who are pursuing Judith. When they see she is on a stage, they seem uncertain. Then they climb on to the stage and adopt the roles of a Footman and a Maid. Judith moves along the balustrade towards the left. The Maid goes to the table, left, on which there is drink and food. She picks up the table so that she seems to bar Judith’s way.

  Judith stops. She turns and looks at the loggia. The Footman has gone to the other table, right, so that he seems to be barring Judith’s way from the other side.

  Judith comes to the front of the stage and looks at the audience. She takes off the belt of her dress, provocatively.

  The Footman and the Maid put down their tables. They watch.

  Judith goes to the loggia and leans with her back against a pillar. She dangles the belt from her hand. The Footman goes and stands in front of her and holds out his hand.

  The Maid goes to the centre of the stage quickly and squats down by the crack in the rocks and puts her fingers in. Then she looks at the audience. Then she straightens, picks up her table, and carries it out through the loggia, right. The Footman goes and picks up his table and follows her out.

  The backdrop goes blank.

  Judith is left with her belt hanging from her hand.

  After a time Helena appears from behind the loggia. She is pushing a garden chair on wheels. She acts as if she does not see Judith. She wears sunbathing clothes and dark glasses. On the chair there is a basket. She comes to the centre of the stage and puts the chair down carefully over the crack in the rocks. Then she sits on the chair and puts her feet up.